Nick's version via PM...
Nick Stevenson vs. Jack Purcell
[[Frederick Alpine and Marcus Benjamin make their way down to ringside, carrying with them the usual announcer notes. The crowd gives a decent reaction for the PWR play by play team as they take their seats and put on their headsets.]]
Benjamin: Ya know this may sound funky, but ain't nothin' better than sittin' in a seat already warm from multiple asses.
Alpine: Yes it does sound funky, but it is comforting. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event of what has already been a spectacular tournament!!
Benjamin: You sure dis' is tha main event son? Cuz' ain't nobody told me tha damn line-up all night.
Alpine: I can only assume Marcus. Anyways we're here, and up next is a match-up of a former multiple time PWR champion and current Siberian Wrestling star, facing off against the current PWR Rebirth champion, Nick Stevenson.
Benjamin: For those who don't know, I like to call Nick Baldy McFuckhead because that's exactly what he is, a bald fuckhead.
Alpine: Well be grateful Marcus, he requested that you call his match-up here tonight.
Benjamin: I'll make sure to send him a drive-by singin' telegram.
Alpine: These competitors have waged in a war of words leading up to this event, and with it being a hardcore match, these two are sure to want to kill each other in that ring.
Benjamin: Yo, I may hate Baldy McFuckhead but damn do he do a good job with the shit talkin'. About tha only thing grandpa can do well.
Alpine: That he does. Standing in the ring is our very own PWR announcer Veronika Starr, take it away Veronika!!!
Benjamin: More like take it off baby, DAYUM!!
[[The camera switches to the ring where the lovely Veronika Starr waits, showing off her glorious bleached chompers to the hooting and hollering crowd.]]
Starr: The following match up is scheduled for one fall, and is a hardcore match!!!
[[Cheers from the crowd are drowned out by '4st 7lb.' by The Manic Street Preachers. Out through the curtains comes Jack Purcell, looking intent and focused while he looks to both sides of the arena. He slowly walks down the ramp as the opening riff strings along, bursting into a full band rock session as he reaches the bottom.]]
Starr: Introducing first, from London, England, weighing in at 217 pounds, he is a former HIW Barely Legal Champion and multiple time PWR Armored Core Champion, 'The Suicidal Sickness' JACK PURCELL!!!
[[The boos of the fans go ignored as he jumps up onto the apron and hops in the ring, beginning a back and forth pace with his head down. Every once in awhile he slams a fist into his palm, looking ready to go.]]
Alpine: This is a completely different Jack Purcell than what I'm used to. Where's the flashy vest and the crowd instigating?
Benjamin: Bein' locked up in a cold Siberian cell with other psychopaths will toughen up just about anyone. Bout' time Purcell stopped bein' a twink.
Alpine: One thing is for certain, Purcell has promised to give TNT a match he soon won't forget.
Benjamin: He better, cuz' I'm havin' a hard time forgetting about how damn queer he looked in those cheetah print tights.
[[Purcell's music fades out, and as it does he plops down in the far corner, slouched against the bottom rope. The lights dim and 'Threshold' by Slayer breaks the silence. A red spotlight shoots down onto the entranceway, and through the curtains steps Nick Stevenson with the PWR Rebirth Championship strapped around his waist. Fireworks pop off from the entrance ramp in a sudden thick burst, spelling out 'TNT' in the air above as the crowd roars. Stevenson makes his way to ringside bathed in the red spotlight, ignoring the fans as usual.]]
Starr: And the challenger!!! From San Diego, California, weighing in at 247 pounds, he is the current PWR Rebirth Champion and a legend in the industry, 'Mr. Violence' NICK STEVENSON!!!
[[When Stevenson reaches ringside, he unstraps the Rebirth Title from his waist and stares straight into the eyes of his relaxed opponent. While maintaining that glare, he throws the Rebirth Title to the timekeeper who luckily catches it. Stevenson takes the ring steps and steps into the ring, cracking his neck as he stares down Purcell.]]
Alpine: Stevenson looks incredibly focused tonight. Although I must say he hasn't been in a hardcore match in at least a year, so that could play a factor in this match-up.
Benjamin: He's already four times older than Purcell, that be enough of a factor as is.
Alpine: Actually two times older Marcus. But with age comes experience, something Stevenson does have on his side as was documented in his promos leading up to this match.
Benjamin: With age comes Metamucil, daily naps, and adult diapers, all are things Baldy is familiar with.
[[In a blink the lights go back on and Stevenson's music fades. Veronika steps out of the ring, and as soon as she does the bell rings.]]
DING DING DING!!!
[[Stevenson walks over and waves up Purcell, basically letting him know he needs to get his lazy ass up. Leisurely Purcell pulls himself up and walks towards Stevenson. Purcell reaches out a hand for a hand shake, and Nick Stevenson doesn't hesitate to slap it away. Purcell shrugs his shoulders and drives a low dropkick into Stevenson's knee, then starts chopping away at that knee with stiff leg kicks as Nick tries to stand. Nick grabs one of Purcell's kicks with one hand then grabs his ankle, knocking him to the floor with an ankle pick. Purcell tries to throw some up kicks, but Stevenson drops into his guard and starts pounding the side of his head with taped fists. Purcell reaches up and locks onto Stevenson, holding him tight to prevent strikes. Stevenson tries to struggle out of it but Purcell is holding on tight for dear life, restricting Nick from doing anything more than small punches to the head. The referee steps in, patting Stevenson on the shoulder and telling him to release the hold due to inactivity. Stevenson stands up, looking a little annoyed.]]
Alpine: Stevenson looks frustrated at not being able to work his technique on the ground.
Benjamin: Aw fuck that retirement home bound colostomy bag. He shouldn't have been trying to hump Purcell in the first place.
Alpine: I believe he was trying to work ground and pound Marcus, and Purcell was doing his best to prevent that.
Benjamin: He really needs to stop that MMA bullshit. This is mothafuckin' pro wrasslin', ain't no missionary the Brit contest.
[[As soon as Purcell stands, he goes for a nut shot which Nick catches. However Purcell modifies that and uses it for an enziguri variation, cracking Stevenson to the mat!! He does a standing moonsault right after, flattening Nick back on his stomach as he tries to stand. Purcell circles around to Nick's legs and hooks him for a wheelbarrow suplex, but can only hook one leg while the other leg kicks him in the chest, knocking him back. Stevenson rolls up to a stand and bull rushes Purcell, using his power to push Purcell to the far corner. Once in the corner, he smothers Purcell with an elbow across the neck, then uses his other hand to punch Purcell in the face!! The crowd counts along as each stiff shot smashes Purcell in the cheek, up until the ref grabs Stevenson's arm at '6', pulling him off as the crowd jeers. Stevenson gets up in the referee's face, screaming, "THIS IS A HARDCORE MATCH!!!" All the referee can do is point to his officiating badge and raise his hands in the air. Meanwhile Purcell has dropped down to a crouch, and is pulling something out from his boot strap.]]
Alpine: Stevenson better pay attention, Purcell is reaching for something in his boot!!!
Benjamin: Mothafucka don't even remember to close his mouth, how the hell he gonna remember to pay attention?
Alpine: He's definitely letting his anger get the better of him, and the last thing I want to see is Stevenson get disqualified.
Benjamin: He ain't getting DQed Alpo, all that damn ref can do is stop him, he can't throw him out of a hardcore match. Hell if I were that ref I'd chill out on that shit, McFuckhead don't care about skinning a zebra.
[[Out from Purcell's boots he pulls a pair of nun chucks while the fans boo. Stevenson turns around to a lunging crack of wood upside his face, knocking him back!!! Purcell swings again, this time with a backfist nun chuck shot to the cheek, dropping Stevenson to the mat!! Stevenson is on all fours, and Purcell hooks the nun chuck chain around his neck, choking him with it!!! He even presses a foot against Stevenson's back for leverage, adding extra pressure as the steel chain turns Nick's face red!!! Boos circulate from the audience as Purcell releases and stands proudly over Nick with with the nun chucks, even doing a little show for the fans as he twirls them around in his best Bruce Lee impersonation. He then throws the nun chucks out to the crowd, who leap up to grab the ebay worthy item. Purcell lifts up Stevenson and places him in his lap, then picks him up and drops him with a cradle piledriver!! Purcell places a boot on Nick's chest for the cocky cover.]]
[[Stevenson kicks out no problem, and Purcell takes that boot and stomps on his chest because of it.]]
Alpine: Those nun chucks have taken the momentum out of TNT temporarily, and Purcell is doing his best to keep the veteran grounded.
Benjamin: McFuckhead gonna be pissed when he get up. If I were Purcell I'd tell that fat bitch in the front row to sit on his chest while I kick him in the face.
Alpine: Excuse me, that's my sister!!!
Benjamin: Like I said, that fat bitch.
[[Purcell drops a leg drop over Nick's head, springs up and drops another leg drop, then tops it off with a double knee drop to the forehead!!! Nick stomps from the pain as Purcell steps away from Nick, crouching for a maneuver. As soon as Nick comes to a weary stand, Purcell flies at Nick for a flying elbow. Nick ducks the move and spins a right roundhouse kick his way, which Purcell just barely ducks. Purcell leaps up with a backflip dropkick, knocking Nick to the mat. Purcell then pulls Nick up by his ears and hooks him for a belly to belly suplex. He rears back for the throw, but Stevenson blocks it with his leg. Before Purcell can try again, Stevenson smashes a headbutt into his eyebrow and grabs his torso. He pushes Purcell up against the ropes and hooks one of his arms, preventing Purcell from slamming or escaping. With his free hand he sends several fists towards his eye, along with several knees to the sternum for good measure. After a good seven seconds of pelting Purcell against the ropes, the referee stops Stevenson once again, which results in a large amount of boos from the audience. Stevenson screams in his face, and the ref makes the hand motions of 'no closed fists' to which Stevenson screams, "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!" He shoves the referee on his ass then turns to Purcell hanging off the ropes. He grabs him by the neck with one arm, then slams a standing clothesline into him that knocks him up and over the top rope!!!]]
Benjamin: I think Baldy done had it with dat' ref. He may be a wanna-be fighter and an old feeb, but let him go on with his dusty ass.
Alpine: One thing I've learned from being around Nick is it's not a good idea to make him angry. He's even more dangerous than usual.
Benjamin: Word. You shoulda seen him when they wouldn't give him a senior citizen discount at Denny's. Fool went berserk on the bus boy. Kid can't even talk anymore, he just writes post-it notes with his toes.
Alpine: I believe everything except for the part about the senior citizen discount.
[[Stevenson turns his attention to the referee, who is now in badge pointing mode over Stevenson shoving him. He gets a boot to the gut, scooped in Nick's lap, and powerbombed over the top rope onto Purcell who just begins to stand!!! The two crash in a heap as the first "HOLY SHIT!!!" chant gets rolling through the crowd. Stevenson hops to the outside and picks up Purcell, hoisting him up and dropping him crotch first over the guardrail with a manhattan drop!! "OHHSS" flow through the arena as Purcell dangles there, wincing in pain. Stevenson follows it up with a swift spinning back kick, knocking Purcell off the guardrail and into the first row. Stevenson hops over the guardrail and grabs Purcell in a headlock, dragging him over into the open area separating the front rows. He then starts slamming fists into his head, connecting with three hard punches before diving forward for a bulldog on the concrete. However Purcell is able to slip his head out just in time, catching himself as Stevenson lands on his ass. Purcell sees a fan about to crack open a can of Bud Light, and he snatches it out of his hands. As soon as Stevenson stands up and turns around, Purcell smashes the full can into his forehead, busting him and the can open!!! Beer splatters over them and the nearby standing fans.]]
Alpine: We salute you Mr. British Can Smashing Wrestler Guy!!!
Benjamin: Not bad Alpo, not bad. I thought that you left your humor back in 1982 with that haircut. KA-POW!!!
Alpine: I like to sneak it in every once in awhile.
Benjamin: I'm glad he's usin' that Bud Light for pain and not drinkin'. That piss water ain't tha business.
[[Purcell is relentless, and he keeps on smashing the can into the busted open forehead, crunching it down into an aluminum hourglass! Purcell then twists and rips the can in half, and starts shredding the aluminum into Nick's scar tissue covered forehead, making him bleed profusely!!! He finishes it up with one more aluminum jab to the flesh that drops Stevenson on the ground. Purcell races over to the guardrail and hops over it, making sure to pull out a steel chair from under the timekeeper's ass. He slides into the ring with the chair, and unfolds it near the ropes. With it positioned to sit, Purcell studies his position for a second. He then bounces off the opposite ropes, comes racing towards the chair, and he hops off of it onto the top rope. In a stunning display of athleticism, Jack Purcell does a long range shooting star press into the 4th row, toppling Stevenson!!! Another "HOLY SHIT" chant gets started, and Purcell sits up waving his hands for more applause!!]]
Alpine: What an amazing shooting star press by Jack Purcell!!! This kid doesn't fear anything!!!
Benjamin: Except for a title reign longer than a week. KA-POW!!!
Alpine: In all fairness, Jack Purcell did hold the Armored Core Title the longest out anyone on the active roster until the 24/7 rule change.
Benjamin: In all fairness, Jack Purcell be lookin' like the byproduct of Pete Doherty and Kate Moss.
[[Purcell pushes himself up and goes for the pin on Nick. The referee, still favoring his back from the powerbomb hops over the railing and makes the count.]]
[[And a kickout. Purcell picks up a laggard Stevenson and slaps him across the face. Stevenson throws a weak punch his way, and Purcell dodges it and slaps Stevenson again. Purcell licks his hand, takes a few steps back, and charges in for another slap, but this time he's met with a sharp elbow to the jaw!!! Purcell drops from the impact, but pops back up into a gut boot and a thumb to the eye from Stevenson. A fan hands Nick a Power Glove, and he slips it on. He punches Purcell in the face with it, knocking him down. Stevenson sniffs the Power Glove and smells lighter fluid on it, bringing a sick grin to his face. He screams, "ANYONE GOT A LIGHT?" and right away three Bics flicker in the nearby vicinity. Nick puts the Power Glove up to one of the flames, engulfing it. Purcell sees the flame and tries to lunge out of the way, but Stevenson grabs a handful of hair and starts slamming the flaming glove into Purcell's face, pelting him six times before throwing off the glove and wagging his heated hand!!! "YOU'RE HARDCORE!!!" chants get going, and Nick smiles to them as he looks down on the burnt face of Purcell.]]
Benjamin: What the fuck was that shit!?
Alpine: That's a Power Glove Marcus, an accessory that came out for NES in 1989. I have many fond memories playing Bad Street Brawler with that.
Benjamin: My family couldn't afford that nerdy honky crap growing up.
Alpine: You mean you never got the chance to play Duck Hunt?
Benjamin: Is that when you duck while being hunted by some bloods?
Alpine: Close enough.
Benjamin: Oh yeah, played that shit all the time.
[[Stevenson picks up Purcell and drags him over to the barricade, tossing him over the guardrail. Stevenson hops over as well, and immediately starts to unhook one end of the guardrail. After one side is dislodged, he unhooks the other side, lifting the six foot piece of steel into the air. He then slams it down towards Purcell who leaps out of the way just in time!!! The steel clatters against the concrete, being this is a hardcore match and there isn't any pussy mats to protect the wrestlers. Stevenson takes the steel section as Purcell crawls and he bridges it across an L section of the the connected barricade. He then flips up the ring apron and pulls out a table which the fans pop their heads off for. He places the table over the guardrail bridge, then grabs Purcell and throws him onto the double stack. Stevenson climbs up onto the stack, which is a little wobbly with their body weight on it. Fans raise out of their seats as Stevenson comes to a woozy stand and picks up Purcell, hooking him by the head. Stevenson hoists Purcell into the air, but Purcell valiantly starts kicking for dear life, bringing his body weight down. He then starts slamming Stevenson in the gut with several fists, then he hooks Nick's head and picks him up, dropping him as soon as he's vertical with a splintering brainbuster!!! The crowd goes bananas with another "HOLY SHIT!!!" chant as both men slide off the dented, splintered in half surface and onto the concrete. Purcell goes for pin fall.]]
2 and a half....
[[Aaaand a kickout. Purcell looks at the referee in astonishment, and all the ref can do is shrug his shoulders.]]
Alpine: Absolutely amazing!!! Stevenson must have a skull made of granite to kick out a drop like that!!!
Benjamin: Mothafucka's so hopped up on painkillers he don't feel shit!!!
Alpine: Well if he doesn't feel it now, he'll definitely feel it tomorrow morning. Maybe it wasn't the best idea for Stevenson to accept such a match with a Rebirth Title defense around the corner.
Benjamin: It don't matter, Rage gonna beat his ass anyways. All Purcell is doin' is softening up the master of the stool softener, Baldy McFuckhead.
[[Purcell shakes his head at Stevenson's immense heart and walks over to the ring apron where Nick pulled out the table. He pulls out another one from the under-ring stack, and he lays it down vertical across the guardrail. Security by this time has stepped in front of the rail-less section, blocking it and preventing any fans from interfering. Purcell drags the blood soaked Stevenson over to the table, laying the dead weight against it. TNT lays slouched against the table, with a look across his blood soaked face as if he has no idea where he is. Purcell slides into the ring and runs a thumb across his neck, once again getting those fans to rise to the occasion. Purcell steadies himself, then races to one end of the ring, then the other, and leaps over the top rope with a no hands senton dive!!! Stevenson however, limply rolls off the table just in the nick of time, allowing Purcell to crash and burn through the table!!! Yet another "HOLY SHIT!!!" chant gets rolling through the audience, and now both men are sucking air and in a world of pain!!!]]
Alpine: Purcell can add himself to the damaged goods list with that suicidal dive!!! They don't call it high risk for nothing Marcus!!
Benjamin: Man honkys are mothafuckin' crazy. You ain't ever gonna see a brotha actin' tha fool like that.
Alpine: I did when I went to go see Madea Goes To Jail. That Tyler Perry so crazy!!!
Benjamin: ...No Alpo. Just...no.
[[The referee stands over their broken bodies, wanting to start a count as neither man will move. They both just lay there, chests heaving and hoping for a second wind. A clap-stomp rhythm starts up in the crowd, and slowly but surely builds till' the entire arena is doing it, trying desperately to get these competitors to rise again. After almost thirty seconds of laying there, Purcell is the first to stir, sitting up with a wincing face and a hand to his poor aching spine. He looks over to Nick, who is stirring and trying to roll himself over onto all fours. Purcell grabs a hold of the guardrail near him and tries to pull up, cringing like a car wreck victim as Stevenson finally turtles himself over, breathing like a fat man in the middle of summer on all fours. Purcell works himself up to a crooked stand as Stevenson presses up, coming to a kneeling position. That clap-stomp grows even louder, and the two work their way to a full, yet incredibly unstable standing position. Stevenson fires off a weak looking punch, yet it's powerful enough to knock Purcell back towards the rampway. Purcell fires one of his own, knocking Stevenson back a little. Stevenson presses into Purcell and wraps an arm around his neck, carrying him up the rampway as the two exchange weak looking hits back and forth.]]
Alpine: The willpower of these two men is nothing short of incredible. How they're still standing remains a mystery.
Benjamin: Make em' take a piss test, mystery solved.
Alpine: The last few tests Stevenson and Purcell have taken, they've passed.
Benjamin: Okay so THAT'S why I saw Stevenson handin' Watkins a stack o' bills. I figured he was payin' Watkins off for a BJ the night before.
[[Stevenson releases the hook at the top of the ramp and grabs the back of Purcell's head, pelting him with small elbows to the face. Stevenson then screams out and rolls around for a roaring elbow, but Purcell ducks it and hooks Stevenson from behind!! He lifts Stevenson up for the Suicdrive, his variation of the backdrop driver, but Stevenson rolls backwards out of it and lands sloppily on the ramp. He then boots Purcell in the stomach as he's turning around, hooks his head, picks him up, and spins him around right into a Mushroom Cloud 09' onto the steel grating!!! Purcell's head smacks the steel, putting a dent in it and knocking him out cold!!! Stevenson goes for the pin...]]
DING DING DING!!!!
Starr: Your winner of the match, 'Mr. Violence' NICK STEVENSON!!!!
[['Threshold' by Slayer blares over the PA as Stevenson rolls off of Purcell, not even trying to stand. Medics rush out to the aide of Jack Purcell, and staff members for the event help Stevenson stand. Upon standing, he's handed his PWR Rebirth Championship as the crowd starts up a loud, "TNT TNT TNT!!!" chant. The sight of such a huge chanting crowd gets the crimson masked sick bastard to smile for them. The staff members carry him to the back, one member per arm as his legs drag like wet spaghetti.]]
Alpine: What an absolutely sick and twisted match up that truly tested the heart and tenacity of both of these gladiators!!!
Benjamin: Baldy done won it though. Goddamn I hate that mothafucka, but go PWR.
Alpine: Even though Stevenson won it, Purcell truly proved he is one of the best athletes in pro wrestling with that five star performance.
Benjamin: Cracka ain't bad. You seen my Swisher Sweets?
Alpine: You left them backstage, remember?
Benjamin: Oh yeah. Yeah, good match n' shit. Now let's bounce the fuck outta here.
Alpine: Will you just hold up a sec? Thank you fans for joining us for E-fed Knights Quarter Finals, stay tuned for the Semi-Finals!!! I'm Frederick Alpine, that's Marcus Benjamin, and have a good night!!!
[[The camera fades out to a shot of the efedknights logo, 2009.]]