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Marq:
Well, maybe if you minorities knew how to READ...

...ahem...

Marq:
MEMO

From: M. Abriko
To: NRWF Interns

RE: NRWF: Carnage Week Four Recap

Writers,

Gentlemen,

I hate to admit it, but last week's Carnage was our highest-rated post-PPV show in the last three years. Maybe it had to do with the buzz surrounding a Revolver-less main event scene, or some of Darrius' recent negotiations with another company, but everyone in the wrestling world tuned into last week's show. And for that, well, I really can only thank you guys. Truth be told, it's going to be a slight kick in the balls to actually have to fire one of you, but them's the breaks when it comes to the entertainment business. We got some pretty high praise from even the smarkiest of smarks concerning last week's segments, with everything ranging from solid to flat-out extraordinary. You won't hear this a lot from us here at Creative, but I'm glad they asked me to do it for them:

"Thank you."

~

Darrius King: "Wasn't feelin' the beginning segment. Got the point across, I guess -- but ain't no real drama in there, knaamean? Plus, it didn't really set up Hale's turn, which shoulda been the main point from the beginning. The angle after the main event was dope, though. Shit was mad gruesome, and that's what it needed to be."

Johnny Revolver: "You went with Hale for our new babyface? Okay, I guess I can see that, but you sold it well, regardless. Now that I'm gone, we need someone the folks can get behind, and the beating from DK was pretty sick, I gotta admit."

Hale: "Wasn't sure how well a babyface turn was gonna be received considering all that's happened in the last month or two, but I can make it work. From lone wolf, to psycho heel, to sympathetic babyface might be a hard pill to swallow -- so let's just make sure I'm not gonna be kissing any babies anytime soon."

Chance Delfino: "Finally! Something I can sink my teeth into. Totally dug the whole 'wagering' gimmick and as long as I can still be Tom Cruise from 'Top Gun' in all my promos, I'll give you everything I have in that squared circle. Just one question, though -- do I really gotta play Japanese, now?"

Grant Goodson: "Hehe, loved playing the little bitch -- especially next to a guy like Bones. Dude's scary as fuck, so I'd hate to kill any of his heat by coming across as a tough guy, myself."

Jericho Price: "New gimmick for Chance was obvious, but still brilliant. It'll be fun playing the football hooligan Englishman against the people's new rock star -- just as long as I get to stick it to the fans. Best part of my day, hands-down."

Bones O'Brien: "Best promo for me I've seen in the last year. Salem was great, and I did what I did best -- throw Jinx around like a girl, hehe."

Lee Gardner: "This 'old warhorse' thing you guys have been writing for me and Bones has been great. Tap into the fact we're the same guy on different sides of the spectrum, and we'll make you some money for sure."

Greg Anthony: "Thanks for the week off."

Jinx Holiday: "My back still hurts -- but hey, least Bones looked like a million bucks. However, can we just... I dunno, go easy with requests for me to blade? Just saying."

~

Ranking for this week:

1.) David
2.) Kieran King
3.) Russ
4.) MDK
5.) Reaper
6.) Doug E. Fresh

~

Again, it was a difficult process trying to get everything in order as this wasn't an easy decision -- but at the end of the day, it's the only one that feels right. When we ask for angles, we don't just want you to hit the bulletpoints. That's the basics. But we DO want all of you to really understand the segment calls for and what it means for the company. Treat everything you get as if it were for J-Rev or Darrius, 'cause THAT'S how you make superstars, y'know? That said, when we ask you to open up a hot post-PPV show, and you just paint by numbers... a show can really lose momentum. Thankfully, with King and Hale at the helm, that won't happen, but that doesn't mean you can just go easy on what you get.

With that in mind? Doug E. Fresh -- you're fired.

Guys, learn from what he did, and we should be fine for next week. Next e-mail should be coming out soon.

Marq:
MEMO

From: M. Abriko
To: NRWF Interns

RE: NRWF: Carnage Week Five Recap

Writers,

As of March 1st, 2011, Darrius King and Bones O'Brien are no longer with the NRWF. Turns out King really IS an asshole and that Bones O'Brien really IS just motivated by money. Not really a surprise, but I am STILL pissed to high hell. Can you believe this shit? Despite the NRWF being the company that put those two on the FUCKING MAP, those two ingrates have decided to leave in order to sign with -- get this -- the TFWF! Can fucking Monks just leave us the hell alone?!

Anyway, long story short -- we're fucked. You wanna talk about damage control? This is it. I'm not asking you as interns, but as wrestling fans and fans of this company, let's right this ship before it sinks.

~

Darrius King: "Y'all got a good writing team, and honestly? Leaving was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, for real, but I got a family to think about, y'know? Thankfully, Valdez sent me off with probably the best promo I've had all year, and I just wanted to thank him and everybody else for keeping it hundred, the whole time. Hope to see y'all soon in some other capacity."

Johhny Revolver: "Wait, Bones AND King left? Yeesh. Losing Darrius is gonna be a major blow, and as far as I know, Bones was a huge favorite among the smarks, so we've lost some pretty substantial hitters. Fuck, guys -- if I wasn't still on the shelf, I'd be there in a second, but... actually, you know what? Lemme make some calls...

Hale: "Honestly? I'm not too bothered about King. Guy was a total prick, and trust me, we're better off without him in the long run. He might put on some 'nice guy' act, but believe me when I say he'd stab you in the back in a heartbeat Anyway, as for the segment last week, I think coming off as the intense, unhinged hunter is exactly what we need right now. None of that "viper" nonsense, but a real crazy-looking, lone-wolf type that the people can get behind. My vote? Let's keep playing that up and fix this main event scene, huh?"

Jinx: "Hah, see what happens? Jinx isn't on the show, and two of your biggest stars leave. Coincidence? I think not."

Bones O'Brien: (Note: Piece of shit didn't bother to send in an e-mail. Let's bury the fucker next week. - Marq)

Chance: "To the two guys who handled my material on Carnage last week, great job. The opening promo with our dearly-departed (pfft) Darrius King was class, and my segment with Hale was a real nail-biter. Glad to see the 'gambler' gimmick is paying dividends as I just heard my new shirt's climbing up the sales ladder. That 'Leave it up to Chance' catchphrase from the folks at merchandising is MONEY -- can we use it more often? Thanks, guys."

Lee Gardner: "O'Brien left, huh? What a fucking crock. Anyway, my promo last week was golden -- gritty, real warhorse stuff, just like I asked for -- so that MDK fella you got working you deserves a gold star or whatever the hell it is the interns get. The callbacks to our history was a great touch, but I wasn't too sure about giving Bones the mic that long. Not only was he cursing left and right, but poor Salem sat there with her thumb in her ass doing diddly-squat. Anything he said, Salem would've made sound better -- plus, I'm pretty sure he was drunk."

Jericho Price: "Absolutely solid promo from Reaper. Loved the bit with the spitting, as well as reminding everybody about my match with Blue (which stunk up the joint, but still). Classic wrestling promo there that hit all the points it had to and really put my current gimmick over. Brilliant."

Goodson: "I think by now, everyone on the staff should have a pretty good idea of what I bring to the table, and this week wasn't any different. The conversation with Salem was solid and really put across the intricate shit within the partership -- I just wish you didn't give Anthony so much to say. I know it wasn't particularly 'heavy,' but Greg's more of a Terminator kinda promo. Guy was stuttering left and right, you see that shit?"

Greg Anthony: "Sorry, guys -- there was way too much to remember, least for me, and I'm pretty embarrassed it came out as wooden as it did. Next time, can we just hit straight to the point, or at least utilize more action than lines?"

~

Next week we have to be solid. All eyes will be on us after the exodus, so let's make sure people end up wanting to watch us AGAIN. Rankings are below:

1.) Kieran King
2.) Reaper
3.) David
4.) MDK
5.) Russ

Despite the fallout behind the scenes, everyone did a fucking solid job this week. For the most part, everyone one of you hit the bulletpoints of what the segment needed to put across -- but when that happens, we then had to look at how much it grabbed us and whether or not you got the most out of your workers. No one did BADLY, let me stress that, but it eventually came down to Russ writing a pretty heated promo for a worker like Greg Anthony who's never been that mad in REAL LIFE -- let alone on television. It started off interestingly enough, but everyone on Creative agreed that we all cringed once Greg got the mic. 

Sorry, Russ -- but you're fired.

Marq:
MEMO

From: M. Abriko
To: NRWF Interns

RE: NRWF: Carnage Week Six Recap

Writers,

After all the waiting and all the controversy, our first show post-exodus has come and gone -- and the ratings were off the charts. WIth the heavily-rumored return of Johnny Revolver to NRWF television, some great matches from everyone on the roster, as well as some... "creative" interviews, Carnage managed to rate pretty well across the board. Say what you want about how wrestling is doing overall, but for the money we're putting in, we're getting back all of it and more.

But alas, here's the problem. Believe it or not -- we are now at the home stretch of the internship, so we're really gonna have to turn up the heat with you guys. Get your game faces on -- this is the three-hour "Maximum Carnage" special, so expect a string of surprises for all of you.

~

Johhny Revolver: "Was a shame MDK couldn't get everything in, but trust me -- if there was a promo I had to cut that didn't need a script, this was it. As for the final segment, thank Primus that Hale and I don't get along, as the tension there exactly what we needed. Guy needs to enunciate more, though -- he still sounds like a tool. Anyway, hopefully you guys sort out your issues for the next show, 'cause if what I'm hearing is true -- it's gonna be the show that dictates the direction of the company."

Hale: "Even though the script never came in, at least I got to say what I really think of Mr. 'J-Rev.' The guy's a two-faced son of a bitch, and I'm glad I got to put that across. For next week, let's keep the intensity going, alright?"

Jinx: "Freakin' awesome lines in the segment with Lee and Grant, kind sirs. Nice bit with the Pokemon thing, told a good story about the state of the big belt without the issue sounding contrived, and Grant came off as a complete bitch. Quite possibly the most perfect segment in the history of professional wrestling -- at least in terms of Grant's bitch-assness, haha. Love it!"

Chance: "This 'slickster' thing you guys have been writing has taken some getting used to, but I'm real happy with it. The fact that even Johnny's digging it says a lot!"

Lee Gardner: "Now, THIS is what I'm talking about. Grizzled veteran but with just enough attitude to really drive the point home about the importance of the tournament. Chemistry with Jinx was exactly what I was looking for, and the interaction with Grant was golden. Kid's gonna get further than his old man, that's clear."

Jericho Price: "Very, very impressive segment. Cut straight to the point without all the flowery bollocks, plus, I got to tag Chance. Who WOULDN'T love this segment?"

Goodson: "I just gotta say, I'm a lucky son of a bitch. Since day one, you guys have been writing me picture-perfectly, and the proof's right there in the heat whever I come out. Keep it going by playing up my... what does Jinx call it -- bitchass-ness? And we should be just fine. Thanks, and let's kill the next one."

Greg Anthony: (Apparently, Greg's laptop is broken. Guy ever heard of texting?)

~

With Reaper having had some scheduling problems, unfortunately he couldn't get anything in last week. While it'll be sad to see him go, just know that we've only one more show before the end of the internship. Ratings are strong, but they can always be stronger. Let's show 'em what we're made of.

1.) Kieran King
2.) David
3.) MDK

And just in case he doesn't know -- Reaper? You're fired.

Marq:
MEMO

From: M. Abriko
To: NRWF Interns

RE: NRWF: Carnage Week Six Recap

Writers,

The tourney for the world title’s up and running, Bones O’Brien has been written out of the TFWF, King’s turned to leading the J.O.B. squad, and I’m ACTUALLY in a good mood right now! Yep, stranger things have happened, but at least our last episode of “Carnage” managed to put up quite the fight in the ratings. Last week was just an amazing week, all around – creatively, from the action in the ring, to the reactions from the crowd… everything was just beautiful, and it’ll be an absolute shame that we’re going to have to get rid of one of you today.

Listen up to what the guys had to say, and for those that have made it to the final two – good luck. Things are going to be… different, for your final task.

~

Johhny Revolver: "Great show, from top to bottom. Gave some guys a hell of a shot in the arm, while keeping the top guys lookin’ like a million bucks. King and what’s-his-name should have stayed, but that’s what you get when you work for Monks!”

Hale: "Honestly? Wasn’t a big fan of some of the dialogue, specifically mine – mark-y, I know – but the overall segment flowed real well. Remember the predatory nature of my new gimmick, as opposed to coming off as the generic ‘you want it, come get it’ babyface. You want that garbage? Get that Revolver hack off the shelf.”

Jinx: "Probably the best material I’ve seen yet from you fine gentlemen. From the snarkiness, to the dry humor, to the physical gags in the fight with Grant, everything was solid. Bonus points for getting the seriousness of the segment at the end, as well. Gained sixty more followers on Twitter after that – y’know, after it’d been hacked and stuff.”

Chance: "Solid segment, really sold my gimmick well, and it’s crazy to think it was only about a month and a half ago that I was running the other gimmick with Lee. Guy took me aside afterward and said it was probably the most natural I’ve ever been on-screen. Thanks, guys. Full-circle and all that.”

Lee Gardner: "This was a fun, little bit of TV that even my old-school ass could appreciate. Loved the metaphor about the lions, but I think we missed out on some drama in the end, there. Maybe that’s just me, I dunno – but I think we could’ve said or done a little bit more.”

Jericho Price: "I’ve been very fortunate to have been taken care of by you lot, virtually since the beginning, and this week was no exception. When they told me I was being booked to win the tournament, I nearly lost it – and it’s all because you’re painting me as the scummy, little knob-end that I seem to portray so naturally! Thanks, mate – figures a fellow Brit would know how to write me.”

Goodson: "Can I just say that whoever’s idea it was for me and Jinx to have a bitchy slap-fight, is like, the most genius motherfucker in the world? Watch that shit again, man – both Jinx AND I were finding it hard to keep a straight face, but it got him some major heat which the poor bastard needs more than oxygen, to be honest. Thanks guys – hell of a segment.”

Greg Anthony: It was fun to watch Jinx and Grant go at it, and watching both guys come up through the course of this internship has been pretty cool, I have to admit. Again, it’s not that hard writing for me, but my part was integral, and you made sure of that.”
~

There’s no easy way to say this, but if there’s anything close it’s this:

This isn’t about whose writing is worst that gets them eliminated – it’s whose segment is written the BEST that gets to stay. And in this case, it was almost a literal coin flip that determined this round So, don’t take this the wrong or anything, but…

David? You’re fired.

You’ve been one of the most reliable writers we’ve had, but MDK’s portrayal of Jericho Price was such a success that we had to edge it with him. Hopefully, you find yourself on your feet sometime, soon. Just don’t EVER work for Ian Monks -- especially on his goddamn "Board" of yes-men and homosexuals. Guy’s a fucking dictator.

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