All of the views and comments made in this column are in no way intended to be taken seriously or as genuine criticisms/insults. The Smark is a character and you should treat his ramblings as in
Ratings reflect in part how good I believed the segments/RPs were, but are considerably biased by the Smark's personal opinions of the wrestlers involved and the action itself.
Greetings true believers! Having suffered momentary confusion on expecting Vital Signs to be aired thursday rather than Friday, I must conclude that it had to have been pre-recorded. Not sure how HIW managed to get away with broadcasting the thing a day late, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised by their lucky breaks any longer.
NEVERTHELESS, I am ready and prepared to execute my solemn duty, however heavy it may make my heart!
HIW Vital Signs: 22nd January 2010
1. Okay, we open with some standard announcing fare from Dyer and Jones, as always making me wonder whether there's genuine dislike between the two of them, or they're just good at acting it out. Anyway, they're inevitably interrupted by 'Devour' hitting the PA. GM Deka Zukito comes out and gets some huuge heat from the fans. He's actually very over, but I just wish that he'd make up his mind whether he wants to be an authority figure or an actual wrestler. He's good enough in the ring to do it, but I guess there isn't really anybody to fill in the 'evil boss' role.
Not unless they want to bring back *shudder* Saunders.
Deka plays down Azula's involvement, but he isn't fooling anybody. Besides, what would be the point of all the build up and messages if it wasn't
important? Well anyway, Deka calls out Azula and then OH GOD MY EARS. 'Entertainment' plays and Chester Addison comes out. Deka tells him to GTFO, but unfortunately, the champ doesn't take the hint and marches all the way down to the ring. Expecting an excruciating promo, I was pleasantly surprised when Addison CKO'd the GM into next week. Then Addison had to go and ruin it by picking up the microphone. He threatens Deka not to get involved in his business and manages to make it at last halfway convincing, then leaves.
I am thoroughly sick of one or the other of these guys opening the show.
2. Short interview is up next, Jessie Hall having a few words with the main man himself, Johnny Styles. He tries to put himself over after last week's decimation at the hands of Katherine Stryfe, but it doesn't really work. They had the guy get SQUASHED, what were they thinking!? This is one of their champs AND probably their best wrestler! But whatever, I suppose asking for HIW to make sense is a little too much to hope for.1st Match
Singles - Jinx vs. Travis Jeffries
Jeffries takes a chair to the back before the match even begins, and when it actually gets started
, ends up getting punted in the head for the loss inside of like, a minute. Christ HIW, way to suddenly start deciding to sell Jinx as a threat! Why not job the guy coming off a victory in one of the hottest feuds you've had for a long time to him? Gee, that sounds like a great idea!
3. We then have a backstage seg with Dragon Demonico (your NEW UK champion) and his friend (tag team partner?) La Hormiga Verde. It's pretty goofy stuff, and a nice break from the standard serious fare, well up until Morgan Jones shows up that is. DD and Verde share a laugh at Jones' expense, leading to him challenging Dragon to a match. Not bad stuff, nice set up for later in the show.
4. We then cut to ringside, where we see Nathan Lancaster (been a while), saying that things haven't been going to plan, before laying down a challenge to the locker room: beat him and he quits. Naturally it is answered, a fired up Akemi Amaterasu coming out to give beating Lancaster a shot.2nd 'Match'
Singles - Nathan Lancaster vs. Akemi Amaterasu
I honestly hesitate to call this a match, being that it was over in five seconds flat. Akemi rolls up Lancaster, one, two, three, bam he's gone. Yet another to add to HIW's 'future endeavours' pile. I'm wondering if the high talent turnover i's just bad luck on the company's part, or something about the federation that people dislike. Can't really say.
5. After the break, we're backstage again, where Akemi runs into Antonio Alves. He lets her know that he's none too happy with how she plays up to the fans, and Akemi responds by mocking him for losing to Jeffries in that 'I Quit' match at the HIW Christmas Special. Alves looks annoyed and Akemi goes off grinning. A sign of things to come, perhaps?3rd Match:
Singles - Emma McIntyre vs. La Hormiga Verde
Not too shabby, I have to say! With Verde being a lighter weight wrestler, this was more even in the high flying department, which was definitely great to see. The Leafcutter was teased a couple of times, but McIntyre eventually picks up the win with Playing With Scissors. A CLEAN WIN! IT'S A MIRACLE!
6. Next seg, and (ugh) Addison is in his locker room. Stryfe walks in and says that, since their title match at the last PPV was ruined, she should get another shot. Addison, despite being the FACE, somehow gets away with both turning her down and belittling her, saying that Strfye ought to impress him for a shot. Uh... wow. Just wow. Since when does the champ decide who he's against?4th Match
Four Way Dance - Katherine Stryfe vs. Johnny Styles vs. El Mistique vs. Antonio Alves
I'm not usually the biggest fan of these kind of clusterfucks, but the people concerned worked it quite well. The only and the only SBK really shone, just about managing to carry some poor work from Mistique and Alves, neither of whom seemed entirely on the ball today. The finish... HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME! Stryfe dives off the top with a big splash onto Alves who is ON the shoulders of Styles as WELL as Mistique! How freaking strong do you have to BE to pull that off!? Styles hits the round lottery on both guys he's carrying and pins Mistique for the victory.
7. Stryfe is straight back up on her feet and moves in to attack SBK from behind. He's looking to be on the verge of a major beatdown... but no! Travis Jeffries hits the ring with authority - charging down to throw Stryfe off to make the save! But here comes McIntyre to jump the guard rails and take Jeffries out with Style's Barely Legal title! The two guys look down and out as Nightmare Inc lay into them, but-
HOW MANY RUN INS DO YOU NEED IN ONE SEG!?
Scorpio of all people comes charging down the ramp! He's in the ring! Stryfe bails! McIntyre gets a lariat in the face! DOA is back! I need fresh pants!
8. We come back from commercial and see Jessie Hall going into Deka's office and asks him for his thoughts on Scorpio's return. He says he doesn't care and more or less tells her to fuck off. This really could have been covered in a Deka promo or something.5th Match
Singles - Morgan Jones vs. Dragon Demonico
Good solid match, and well worked. Jones win after smashing Demonico into the turnbuckle and hitting the Original Sin, FINALLY putting somebody over Dragon. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, but it just seemed like his veteran status was giving him a free ticket. Then again, Jones has been around as long if not longer than Dragon... I'm not sure if they're looking to get Jones back into the UK title picture or showing that because he can beat the UK champ, he can move up the card. Wouldn't mind seeing either, but he's due a push.
9. Post match, Verde runs in to check on Dragon and gets owned by Jones, who nails him with a big time Judgement. Ouch.6th Match
Singles - Chester Addison vs.
Addison gets into the ring then asks who he's facing, only for Deka to come out and drop the... uh, 'bombshell' that it's in fact him. The match itself... not bad for Addison, still nothing that compelled me to keep the video streaming. Fortunately it was short, ending with yet another DQ win for Addison after Deka lowblowed him.
10. After this, Deka is making to put Addison out of business, only for the lights to go out! Bobby Azula appears on the ramp before jumping up onto the apron! Deka demands he get right in that ring, but Azula shakes his head and drops back down. Zukito can't believe it, then turns around and finds Addison's up again - Final Notice! Deka's out again, and my favouritist wrestler ever is standing tall... yeah.
Overall show rating: 5.5/10 - Yet again your standard fare. Some good stuff on the card, but HIW lets itself down with a pair of pointless matches and another which isn't that great. Segments are once more the saving grace.
'Till next time faithful readers, this Smark bids you farewell!